The farm was fun enough,
It had a strong Zoey plowing in the field,
damp fields drying, as well as
wooden fences enclosing the horses
Hardworking man directing the horse,
old animals tugging ropes,
drunk dad screaming at the horses to go faster
Exhausted, angry, sad
Doing everything in my power to try my best 
Hi Danni
ReplyDeleteYour Poem is very interesting and the Adjective's your are using are great. There are a couple of things you could fix though. Halfway through your story, somewhere there are sentence's that don't make sense. Your description is great but you have to add and take out some word's so it make's sense, next time you should use Read Write. Also your title need's to have capital letter's. Other than that great job.
Khali
Yr 6
Drummond Primary School
Kia ora Danielle
ReplyDeleteYou did a good job with describing the situation. Something that you could improve is using words like stallion and mare instead of horse or horses. Have you finished reading war horse yet?
From Sophie
Drummond Primary School
This comment has been removed by the author.
Deletetop of the morning you
ReplyDeletei really like your description
carlyn
room 4
drummond
Hello Danielle,
ReplyDeleteGreat poem! You did well with describing what was happening. Who was the character you were writing about?
Great post.
Prudence,
Yaldhurst Model School